2010 Put your best foot forward with no expectations!

Happy New Years!!!!  Wow, it seems like yesterday when we were worrying about the Year 2000 and now it is 2010, how did that happen? How does the saying go? “Life is what happens when we are busy making plans.” That’s for damn sure!!!!! I remember being a teenager and waiting for a week to pass till the school dance, it seemed like it took forever and then it never quite seemed to measure up to the expectations that we put on it. Why is that? It seems the more expectations that we put on something the more disappointed we get. I have learned over the years not to put expectations on life and people and then I can be pleasantly surprised when wonderful things unfold.

Every year many of us make resolutions to change things in the New Year.  So how many of you have made resolutions to never spend another holiday season by yourself? How many of you have decided that this year is the year that you are going to meet (the One)? The truth is there are actually many (ones) for all of us, if we actually open our minds,  remove those pesky expectations and honestly look at what we really need in a relationship to make us happy.

As most of you know I am a professional Matchmaker and I am given a pretty huge shopping list when I am looking for potential partners for my clients. Mostly because I ask them for one, so don’t blame them, I need to know what characteristics they value in a partner.While we are going through the process of questions though I am always surprised by men who insist that the first priority that they are looking for in a woman is that she is beautiful, fit, thin and young (of course) even if they are not themselves.    Even if some of the wealthier older men  do end up with these women, they are always surprised when life with the younger beautiful women does not turn out to be all they really thought it would be. (Anyone see the latest movie, It’s Complicated with Alec Baldwin, Meryl Streep and Steve Martin?) I would recommend this movie to anyone over the age of 30,  Alec, Meryl and Steve are hysterical!!! This movie proves my point perfectly! Be careful what you ask for you just might get it. http://itscomplicatedmovie.com/

Ladies  you don’t get off scott free either, not all the best men in the world look like Brad Pitt, George Clooney or have money like Tiger Williams. Have you seen the news lately? Good looks and money will not make you happy, at least not for a long time.  :) Besides who wants to date someone who is prettier than you and is constantly having women throw themselves at them. NO Thanks! I want to be attracted to my partner, but I want to know that he thinks that I am the most beautiful women in the world, even if I am not.   :) Isn’t that what we all want, we want to know that our partner respects, adores, appreciates and is proud of us. That goes for men and women. Sure money is always nice but it will not guarantee happiness! Just ask Tiger’s lovely suffering but now very rich wife. I would wager that she would rather have had a loving trustworthy, honest man to  help her raise her family and grow old with.

So Let’s make sure and make 2010 the best that we can. If you have decided that it is time to meet someone who you can share the rest of our life with, that is half the battle.  It’s like taking a trip, the first step is deciding that we want to go, the next is deciding how to get there and  the third is making sure that we are packed and ready to go. If you are ready to take that first step (looking for a partner) and are needing a little help, call me, I can help you widen your playing field. It is still up to you to make the relationship work.  Make sure that are ready willing and able to go forward when you find that special someone, put your best foot forward and try not to put any expectations on your potential partner and you may just be pleasantly surprised. I don’t know about you but I love surprises.

2010 is going to be a great year, as long as you look for the positives, you will always find them.

www.match-works.com

A Gift of Laughter for the Holidays!

I realize that the holidays can be depressing sometimes, especially if we are single, so I wanted to give you a gift that everyone could share, LAUGHTER.

I will warn you this is not like my regular posts full of dating and relating help this is purely to bring a  chuckle or two into your day. It is not for the squeamish,  it is a little raunchy and if you are not in a place that you can laugh out loud, wait till you are alone and can laugh freely. Someone sent this to me many years ago and any time I need a good laugh I pull it out and laugh till I cry (in a good way). Enjoy and please feel free to direct your friends and family to this blog page!

Men you  have no idea what women go through for you, women you know what I mean. 

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal – The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now…the wax.  Yeah right! Read on………

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids.

I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: “Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.” So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those “cold wax” kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I’m not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. (“Cold wax,” yeah…right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn’t the best feeling, but it wasn’t too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip).

I inhale deeply and brace myself….RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I’m blind!! ! Blinded from pain!!!!….OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I’ve only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out…must stay conscious…must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums???

Breathe, breathe…OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy – a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There’s no hair on it.? Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip…it’s not! I touch. I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake…remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something.So I put my foot down. Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself “Please don’t let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!

What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I’ll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!

I get in the tub – the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment – I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub…in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn’t melt cold wax.

So, now I’m stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It’s a very good conversation starter – “So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!” There is a slight pause. She doesn’t know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, “Are we talking cheeks or hoo-ha?”

She’s laughing out loud by now…I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else’s night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hotwater and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I’m pretty sure I’m going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling  for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace….the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It’s sooo painful, but I really don’t care.”IT WORKS!!

It works !!” I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair….THE HAIR IS STILL THERE….. ..ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I’m numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I’m going to try hair color……

Singles, Make the Most of the Holiday Season!

The holidays can be a hectic time  and being single need not add any more stress. Here a few tips to help you make the most of  the festivities:

1.  Instead of passing on holiday parties and events because you don’t have a date, go by yourself, but do not put expectations on meeting anyone (who knows you may have a pleasant surprise).

2.  Instead of waiting for invitations to other parties, throw one of your own. A festive potluck meal, tree trimming party or other holiday event.

3.  Don’t  overdo it, do not make plans out of a sense of obligation. This is also your holiday season. Set limits, make good choices and enjoy.

4.  Try a different approach. Don’t be so picky. Step outside your comfort zone and don’t be so rigid about hair color or style preference.

5.  Network for your social life at events, talk to everyone including couples, they may have a friend or family member that is perfect for you.

6.  Don’t let  the holidays get you down. Your life is full of possibilities and every day can be an adventure. Don’t give up hope and be sure to  expand your options.

7.  Avoid unrealistic expectations from others, from yourself and from the holidays themselves. This will defeat all the positive feelings and experiences that you do have.

8.  Don’t overbook OR overstay with relatives or friends. Sometimes a shorter stay works best and allows you energy and space to get back to your own home and decompress.

9.  Look for ways to give to or do for others, volunteer at local shelters, nursing homes or non-profit groups. Feeling useful and appreciated will provide a great boost to your holiday spirits.

10. Don’t plan to spend the entire holiday season with married family and friends. Seek out other singles activities, or organize some, Van Dusen Festival of lights, Stanley Park’s lights.  

11. Do avoid using food, alcohol or drugs to cope with holiday stress. This way of coping leads to depression, low self-esteem and a greater sense of isolation and despair.

12. Do decorate your home with any and all things that make it feel more festive and fun for YOU.  Make your life all it can be right now.

13. Consider emphasizing the more spiritual aspects of the holiday. Go to a concert featuring holiday music or attend a church service, (invite  a friend or family member).

 14. If you are proactive and think outside the box, (consider using a matchmaker)  there is a better chance you will be with someone next holiday season. 

Whatever you decide to do for your holidays, have fun and enjoy them but allow  to recover. Focus on taking care of yourself and doing what is right for you. This way you will also be giving your best to those around you. Happy Holidays!

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Why are Vancouver men losing out to Americans and Europeans?

As most of you know I am a professional Matchmaker. One of the  most common  questions I get asked about men in Vancouver is “why they don’t approach women”?  As a matter of fact, when a man does approach me initially, I always ask where he is from, he invariably is either American or European. So why don’t Vancouver men take that first step?  Americans and Europeans  are naturals, but why? 

Last week is a prime example, I was walking very quickly to an apt. and passed a very attractive, well dressed young man (about 30) he made a point of making eye contact with me and  smiled quite openly. I smiled back and kept going at the same speed,  he was way too young for me and I was in a hurry. A few seconds later I heard a man’s voice ask me if  “I spoke any Spanish” I replied  “a little” and he proceeded to ask me what my name was in Spanish. Not really that up on my Spanish I had to reply in English. No worries though, his English was quite good and he proceeded to start a conversation with me. My initial reaction was “OK  he’s very attractive but way too young, what does he really want?”  Realizing though that he should be appreciated for making that initial contact I listened, but kept walking, unfortunately I really was in a hurry. He very politely asked me if I had time to stop for coffee, I didn’t,  but he certainly did impress me. I think he might have been a very nice conversationalist and I was honestly flattered, I did however give him my card thinking he might be great for one of my clients. My point here is he wanted to talk to me, so he did plain and simple. When I asked where he was from he replied Spain, no surprise here.  Men in  Vancouver just don’t approach women like that. Why not?

I spoke to some American men and they told me that they are happy Vancouver men are so slow in this area, it gives them a great opportunity to stand out in the crowd. Vancouver men, why are you not approaching women, you are really missing out here! These same men are always complaining that there are no good women in Vancouver and I know for a fact that there is a plethora of great single women,but they do need to be brave and take that first step.

Men listen up, I will let you know the secret to standing out in the crowd. The  first  thing that women are attracted to is CONFIDENCE, yes confidence, if you want to attract women you have to be comfortable in your own skin.  Not egotistical but confident, there is a difference.  :) If you are not, then figure out what is holding you back. If you need to update your look, contact me, you would be amazed at how many of you are  dressing either too old or giving the wrong message with your first impression.  You only get once to make a first impression make sure that it is the right one.  Be honest, the first thing that you notice about a woman is how she looks and let me guess the ones you are attracted to  are attractive,  well groomed, (hair, makeup, clothes). Even  if you are outdoorsy there are sports clothes that are appropriate and they should always be clean and flattering to your body type. Never ever show up for a date with runners on unless you are going to be doing something active, just make sure they are clean and current. The runners from Walmart that are covered in dirt and smell to high heaven are not appropriate. Think about it, you would not look twice at a women if she didn’t make an effort to groom herself properly. Yes, women do care about how you look just as much as you do. Have a little pride in your appearance and your confidence will grow. If you have severe emotional issues in this area, then  do everyone a favour and get some help before you start approaching women.

Okay now that we have that covered, I will tell you another secret………Women want you to make that first step. Seriously they want you to smile at them, initiate contact, but do it without expectations. Not everyone that you may be interested in is going to be interested in you, or she may already be taken and have a jealous boyfriend.  Be polite, be positive and don’t push if she is not interested. Believe me if she is interested she will let you know, even if it is just with a smile  (she might be a little shy). Don’t let the American and European men beat you to all the great ladies in Vancouver, remember you have the power. It is all up to you to make a first good impression, be confident, happy (smile),  be positive and polite (women love a gentleman) and do it all with no expectations. Who knows you might be pleasantly surprised.    

If you want a little help, you know who to call. 778-330-1204 and ask for Sheree

www.match-works.com

Can Men and Women be Friends?

 

Can Men and Women be friends, seriously? From first hand experience I would have to say, yes they can!  As a matter of fact my dearest friend is a man, who literally has been my rock for the last 6 years. He recently moved back to the united states and I miss him terribly. We still get to talk on the phone every few weeks, but it is not the same as having  him around to go for lunch with and have our chats in person.  Fortunately, he is not my only male friend.

Recently I had some minor surgery and had to take some recovery time. As a woman who is usually bouncing off the walls, power walking  or rollerblading the seawall or tackling the 18 flights of stairs in my building, convalescing is not the easiest thing in the world for me.  If  it had  not been for my dear friends and particularly my male friends, I might have gone stir crazy. For the first few days I could only lie in a prone position, channel surfing armed with my remote.  You might think this would be something enjoyable, not so much. I had no idea that during the week, there is absolutely nothing on TV except for soaps. YAWN, boring!!!! I ended up ordering the movie channels for a few weeks, just to find something to watch to while away the hours.  Thank god that it rained almost everyday, I didn’t feel that I was missing that much outdoors, except for human contact.  I was fortunate enough that I did have a  quite few friends that were nice enough to phone and check up on me on a daily basis. It was like a lifeline and I am so grateful for them.

The past week just reminded me one more time how wrong  John Grey  was (Men are from Mars Women are from Venus) when he tried to tell me that men never want to talk to women. Bull, if they are given an opportunity to converse to a reasonably intelligent, respectful woman, you would be surprised how much they talk and how open they are about anything. I still have a few ex’s that call me every once in a while just to chat about their kids, relationships, their jobs,and life in general. So take that John Grey and no they are not gay as  he so rudely stated they must be if they were willing to talk to a woman! As you can guess he was not my favourite interview. It really did surprise me that he was so black and white considering that his name is Grey.  I guess he is right to a degree, the chance of  him and I being friends, probably not going to happen.  Thankfully there plenty of other men that  are more than willing to be.  :)

I have learned so much from my male friends, about men in general and relationships. I do realize that these friendships can be difficult though  if one of  you has  sexual fantasies that are clouding the issue. The  best thing you can do in that situation is be completely honest  so as to not lead them on.  I realize that this can be tough, but honestly really is the best policy here. If they are truly not able to just be your friend they may opt out and  you have to respect that.  Not all men and women can be friends, but when it works it can be great. When you are in a romantic relationship you need to be very up front with your partner about these friends or there will be huge problems. (  jealousy).

To those of you women that  don’t have any male friends,  I suggest you try it, you would be surprised how much you can benefit from spending time with a man, without a sexual relationship confusing the issue. I would love to hear your input about male and female friendships.  Have you had a long time friend of the opposite sex? What have you learned from them? Did the relationship end when  one of you started a  romantic relationship  elsewhere?

Again thank you to all my friends, for the last week. Special thanks to my  children, my youngest son Derrick  made a few trips out to Vancouver to take me to the Doctors and run some errands for me, I love you as always. Although my oldest Geoff was working 7 days a week lately, he still found time to call and check  in on me  to make sure I wasn’t up walking my stairs or pushing myself too far too fast. God, he  know’s me so well.

Keeping The Love You Find. Part Two

If you are a subscriber you have already read part one of this post. If not, have a look at  “Keeping the Love you Find, part one”. If you would like to subscribe just click the link on the right top corner of the front page.

Lets start from the beginning, in chapter 2 Harville Hendrix points out that ”the combination of love and marriage is a phenomenon of very recent history and it’s a volatile mix”.  No kidding! In times past “Marriages were arranged, wives were bought or traded”;  “Marriages were typically passionless, but stable; their primary agenda was the continuity of the family and community, the perpetuation of property rights”. If there happened to be romantic love involved connected with the marriage partner, it was purely accidental. “It wasn’t until the late 18th century with the emergence of Democracy in America and the destruction of the monarchy system in England and France that brought them the idea that the individual could decide for themselves”. “For the first time in history, the energy of attraction between men and women was directed into and contained within the structure of marriage.” No wonder we  are struggling, we haven’t mastered this yet!

“With the recognition of individual rights came a belief that  human beings were inherently rational, could make logical choices and were in total control of their destiny”, yeah right!  I think we have proven that this is not always the case. “Sigmund Freud discovered that underneath our apparent but illusionary rationality was a sea of chaotic instincts that influenced and undermined our choices”. “He realized that choices made on the basis of logic were in fact swayed by emotion and unconscious directives”. As I said, no wonder we are struggling. Thus we have the transition from stable passionless marriages  and affairs to passionate volatile marriages, affairs and divorce. GEEEZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!

Hartville states that “however careful our checklist, what is going on in mate selection is not LOVE, but NEED. Love, if it appears at all, appears in marriage as a result of our commitment to healing our partner”. So  apparently the heart of the matter is our “free” choice of a mate is in fact a product of our conscious trying to heal the wounds of our childhood.  We  all know that we are drawn to a partner with the  right “chemistry” and that is apparently our unconscious attraction to someone who will meet our particular emotional needs. We are trying to use them to fill our emotional needs left by our parents or childhood.   No wonder we are all messed up!

Harville refers to this “buried parental image The IMAGO and when we get an imago match that chemical reaction occurs and love ignites”.  We feel alive,whole and  confident that we have met the person who will make everything all right. Unfortunately since we have almost certainly have chosen someone with the same negative traits as well as positive traits as our parents, chances are we will have a similar outcome. In fact, “most people who have had serial relationships report that despite their best intentions they manage to find the same problems each time around”. What Imago Therapy does is help us learn how to fix the problems in the relationship, (heal the wounds) so that we can keep the partner, when this happens true love grows. (Sounds like a much better option to me.)

Sound like an interesting option instead of the relationship roller coaster, stay tuned while I continue to forage through this book or  better yet, pick up your own copy. “Keeping the Love you Find” by Harville  Hendrix Ph.D.

www.match-works.com

Keeping the Love you find. Part one.

 If you are a subscriber, you know that recently I started reading a book called “Keeping the Love you Find” by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.  He is  also the New York Times Bestselling author of “Getting the Love You Want” and “Giving the Love that Heals”. It seems to be taking me quite awhile to read and actually comprehend the book, no surprise here given the title. 

This was the first post about this book  http://vancouverdating.match-works.com/index.php/2009/10/07/you-can-be-right-or-you-can-be-in-a-relationship/

Here’s what I have learned so far. This book is not written for couples only, it is geared  to help singles too.   Harville states that “it is not your fault if you have not found lasting love, but it is your responsibility to do what needs to be done to find it”.   He says that ” it is not something to feel bad about, it’s something to understand and do something constructive about .” He also points out  that it is  important for us to accept  responsibility for what is happening in our lives and  that we need to grow from within if we wish to grow and mature in this area.

Harville  writes  ”if you are serious about having a full and lasting love relationship, you have to get serious about being single”.  There are essentially four things you must do to  prepare yourself before your partner comes along.

1. Educate yourself about relationships

2. Educate yourself about yourself

3. Train yourself in the skills of relationships

4. Do what you can to change the behaviours and character defenses that are stopping you from keeping the love that you find

He swears that it is “your mission as a single person” and that “if you do this you will have no problem finding a mate and in all likelihood that mate will be more able to make a commitment and less likely to frustrate you than the person you will pick or who will pick you before you do your homework”. Okay now you’re talking about something that I can understand, or least want to . 

He suggests that you step back from the mate search for now and by that he does not mean that you shouldn’t date, or live with someone. On the contrary he states that current relationships are ideal training ground for the real thing. But postpone marriage until you get your singlehood right this time, “becoming a conscious single is the preparation for the journey of marriage”.

Harville makes a very good point in Chapter 2 that “we have bought the idea that unhappy people should not have to stay in unhappy marriages”.  “We have given credence to the idea that when trouble comes you should just change partners, when the truth is that the way that you are living with that person must be changed”.  ” Rather than getting rid of the partner and keeping the problem you should get rid of the  problem so that you can keep the partner”.  HMMM he may just have something here!

“Divorce may allow people to escape bad marriages, but until we take steps to ensure good marriages, to facilitate individual happiness and fulfillment, until we learn what we are about, we will continue to have desperate singles, joyless marriages, troubled children and a society more dysfunctional by the decade“.

Ok I want to stop this pattern, guess that means I will have to continue to forage through this book. Stay tuned. The journey has just begun.   

www.match-works.com

Today’s gonna be a great day!

During The Oprah Show’s 24th season kickoff party, Harpo staff and more than 20,000 people pulled off a massive surprise for an unsuspecting Oprah. The entire crowd performed a choreographed piece to the Black Eyed Peas’ “I Gotta Feeling,” and Oprah was not only shocked, she was thrilled! Award-winning director Michael Gracey says the interaction between the Black Eyed Peas and the crowd is what made the flash mob so extraordinary. ”There’s something really special when you take an audience and instead of just being passive and watching, you invite them to participate,” he says. “That’s why it was so magical for both parties. Two groups of people came together to create something that neither of them could have done alone.”

 

I happened to be home feeling a little under the weather watching Oprah the day of her kickoff party and  I must admit that watching this  “flash mob” made me drag my sorry butt off my couch and I found myself dancing around my living room. (Those people who know me won’t find this hard to belive as I am a dancing fool, but I was  seriously not feeling well ). Play it and see if it motivates you to get up and start moving, if at the very least I can guarantee it will bring a smile to your face. Oprah was unaware that her staff had organized this” flash mob”  for her kickoff and her reaction was true joy.

Oprah’s Kickoff Party Dance

http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090908-tows-flash-mob-dance

 

My point of showing this to you today is that during the fall and winter we all tend to be a little less jubilant than normal. I have to admit that I have been struggling with my energy level lately. Normally I am bouncing around like the people in the video, but not so much in the last few weeks. Trying to pinpoint it has been difficult. Yes, I have been under a little stress lately, but when aren’t we all?

Depression tends to be rampant during the fall and winter season, partly because we don’t get enough sunshine, partly because we feel trapped indoors because of the weather. So it is even more important for us to take care of ourselves doing this time. As a matchmaker I notice that singles tend to want to nest during this time as it is much nicer to have someone to cuddle up with when you are stuck indoors. As comfortable as we may  think we are at being single, it can really challenge the best of us.

Today Oprah was talking about how happy and energized this “flash mob” had made her and  she realized that it was because we  rarely ever get to see so many people being so happy at the same time. The feeling and the energy was infectious and the people who had participated said the experience was incredible. One man referred to it as a life changing moment, feeling  the energy from all those people actively jumping around and dancing was true bliss.

Having the Black Eyed Peas and the entire audience actively participate created a magical moment. My point here (and I do have one) is  that without everyone’s participation it would not have been the same experience, but  as much as this “flash mob” took everyone to make it happen, it all started with one person deciding to create it. 

I realize that we all have days that we are not at our best but it all starts with us. Grab a friend, get an umbrella, get outdoors, socialize, visit family, but don’t stay inside feeling sorry for yourself,  get busy! If that doesn’t work, you can call me, you know where to find me. Today’s gonna be a great Day! I gotta feeling!  Whoo hoo

www.match-works.com

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A Remarkable Man, yes they do exist.

As most of you know, I am a personal Matchmaker, so I  am constantly asking my  female clients what they are looking for in a man.   The list of the characteristics and qualities preferred is usually long and can appear quite challenging at times. I am often asked if there are any good men in Vancouver and I have to be honest, it can be a real challenge to find them sometimes. 

This weekend I attended a friends memorial for her dearly departed father (George Maria  pre=”">Halpert or otherwise known as Jerzy Maria Krysztof  Karol Halpert-Scanderberg) ). Rarely have I heard or observed such an outpouring of love, admiration and respect for anyone. My dear friend (Wanda) and her siblings ( Helen, Mary, George and Mark), other family members and friends  shared their favourite memories of this humble but extremely memorable man and I could not help but be jealous. I am  not really sure if it was because I would have liked to have had a father like him or a husband.  (I would have been blessed either way.) Somehow George had every characteristic that I  have ever been asked for in a man. I was so moved by the comments about George that I just had to share a little about this remarkable man.

Jerzy or George was born in Poland in 1918 and attended High School in Warsaw. He was raised  in an extremely cultured family, where he learned to appreciate the arts and how to be a gentleman. After making his way through the French Underground in England in 1940 he entered the services of the Polish Forces abroad where he served as First Lieutenant  as a paratrooper and earned the Cross of Valour, (George said he was just doing his duty).  After WWII he immigrated to Canada,  met and married his beloved Rubena and  together they raised their 5 children in Vancouver. George never complained and provided well for his family working  as an accountant and served at his local church as treasurer. (Again, he said he was just doing his duty)

When his children were  asked about growing up with this man, they remembered him as always gentle, always smiling, always a kind word (for everyone), always willing to tell a joke ( he loved his Readers Digest jokes) and always loving. They remembered how he would come home from work tired from the day and lie on the floor and all his children would tumble around with him playfully. He  was passionate about keeping active and could often be found swimming in the ocean and hiking the North Shore Mountains.  He truly loved life.

Every man who spoke at the service said that George was  the one man that they should all aspire to be like. He was strong and brave, a real man`s man,  yet gentle, caring, kind with a great sense of humour and a undaunting  positive attitude. He loved his wife and his family unconditionally and never questioned how he should behave. He believed that was what a man should do. What more could you ask for!

He loved to entertain, dance  and celebrate life and together with his wife Ruby, they had many parties and dinners with friends and family. Last year I was invited to his 91st birthday, I would have never guessed how old he was, he was truly charming and still very handsome.  

He adored his wife and when she became ill,  he was always by her side, with a caring word and a gentle touch. After Ruby`s passing he went to live in a care home, where even the nurses had nothing but kind things to say about this gentleman. He had style, he had grace and he brought so much joy to so many people. As I watched all his loved ones and friends teary eyed, happily sharing their treasured moments,  I realized that they all knew they had been blessed to have been touched by this remarkable man. Even the Officiating Pastor remarked at the measure of this man and  he stressed that every one of us, no matter what stage of our life, no matter what we have done up to this day, can still finish as strong as George lived his entire life. I know that I barely knew this man but I am so happy to know  that men like him exist or existed.  Honestly if George was watching from up above, (as I believe he was) he should be so proud to have heard all the wonderful things said about him.  I hope that when I die, people will remember me so fondly. What more could you aspire to.

Rest in Peace George, You certainly did you duty and your family and friends are  forever grateful!

Please don`t tell me that there are no more men like George or I may have to jump off the bridge.  I know my two sons are very much like him, but then I am prejudiced, I raised them. If all men were  like George I would have no problem finding matches for all my female clients. I am a hopeless romantic and do believe  that there are many more men out their like George and as I tell my  female clients  and as Michael Buble’ so aptly puts it  “I just haven`t met you yet“.

PS. Please contact me if you think you are  anything like George and are single, I have some incredible women who would love to meet you!

www.match-works.com

Respect! We all deserve it, including our loved ones!

RESPECT- (to feel or show esteem, deference, or honour to, refrain from violating, treat with consideration)  

We all deserve and want to be treated with RESPECT  right?  What about our partners or loved ones? Why is it some people think that  they are entitled to talk to their loved ones anyway that they like?  I grew up in a totally disrespectful family and I am not going to ever allow that again. I learned a long time ago that it was my responsibility to let people know my boundaries. I do not let others treat me with disrespect anymore, at least not for long.

When someone disrespects us the first time it is their fault, but  by the second time it is our responsibility to let them know that we don’t appreciate it. If they still continue and we let it go, then it is our fault, because we are now affirming that this behaviour is acceptable.We cannot change the way people think, they will behave the way the choose to, but it is up to us to stop them from hurting us by not accepting bad behaviour. If you continue accepting their disrespectful behaviour ”because you love them and don’t want to risk losing them”, the end result is that they will eventually lose all respect for you and probably leave anyways. But by that time they will have shaken your self esteem so much that will be difficult for you to move forward. It becomes a vicious cycle.

What is disrespect from a partner? Has your partner ever called you stupid, useless, fat, an idiot, swore at you or called you any other derogatory name, that is disrespect! It is bad enough when they belittle you on your own, It is even more disrespectful when they do it in front of others. I have confronted people who’s partners treated them this way and they actually told me, “oh it’s okay they don’t mean it, it’s just teasing”. Really, then why would they say it? We all know when people are “Teasing” there usually is a degree of truth in everything they say. It’s not funny to make a joke at someone else’s expense constantly and especially if they are your partner or loved one. Your partner should be the one that loves and honours you, not kicks you around verbally or physically. Have you ever treated a partner like this? Why, did it make you feel good to degrade them?

What about punching, hitting, slapping or physically hurting your partner in any way. Every one of you women just said “no way, men should never hit you”, but what about the men? Do you think it is acceptable to physically hurt your male counterpart? Some of you are saying “oh it’s okay, he can take it, it’s only light punches, slaps, it’s just kidding around, I am just a little woman”, no it is not acceptable.  It is not right for him to hit you and it is not right for you to hit him. Period! It is disrespectful. Years ago, I remember punching a man who I was dating (in the arm), while kidding around, because he was teasing me about something.  He grabbed my hand and said “don’t ever hit me again, I will never hit you and I don’t deserve to  be hit either”. Although he scared the heck out of me, he was dead right. I never thought about it, I was just thinking that  it was acceptable behaviour because I had seen other people do it.

We all have own definition of  what is comfortable when wrestling or fooling around, but if someone hits, punches or slaps you enough that you yelp or cry out, that is too hard. It is your responsibility to then ask them to stop and if they don’t stop, that is disrespect. You do have the right to tell a loved one, friend or family member that you don’t like it and you want it to stop.  

Love and respect should go hand and hand, we all want it and deserve it, so start by nurturing the ones you love, not beating them up verbally or physically. If you don’t, you may find that  one day you don’t have them to kick around anymore.  If we wish to keep our loved ones around and happy, wouldn’t our time be better spent telling them all the wonderful things that we do love about them rather than focusing on the negative. If you are so miserable that you can’t say a nice word maybe you should look within, because I will bet that it all starts there.

BE NICE TO EACH OTHER, there are enough bad things in the world to hurt us, our home should be our sanctuary.  

PS. As well, we must all lead by example. A child learns by example, so if you are disrespecting your husband or wife in front of your children they will learn it is acceptable behaviour.  If you let it continue you are also teaching them that it is okay. Be a good teacher! We all have to be responsible for our own behaviour.

www.match-works.com